I realize and accept that I am incredibly hard to deal with, be around, converse with and love...I'm sorry.

Today

Its incredibly hard to imagine and its even in some ways scary but today marks, unofficially, 6 months of being with her. I feel great, she loves me and I love her - not that it matters. We're happy, I'm over my hangups and I think she is too. I can't really pat myself on the back too much for this but in many ways I'm proud.

I'm a good enough guy that I could get a girl who didn't want anything serious to give me a chance. Who I am played a big part in getting a girl who didn't want to care, to care. I'm not THAT bad and I was 'good enough' to make someone realize that.

Half a year, a quarter of two. Insane.

I don't know how any of this will end up and I haven't cared in 2 months but I know that you brought me back to who I was and I'll always appreciate that.

Its all happening, isn't it?

Let me first start this by apologizing to myself for keeping everything inside for too long but, to be honest, the rare moments I ever want to say anything 'out loud' are so few and far between that all emotion just sort of builds up.

The outlook seems relatively great. I'm about to get a 'long term/full time' job, I'm in a pretty healthy relationship and I somehow continue to keep friends who can deal with the fact that the majority of the time I don't really want to see anyone.

I'm okay, really. I'm freaking out and that's fine, that's normal. The time I have to 'grow up' could shrink from 2 or 3 months to 2-3 weeks and as I guy who cracks under pressure, its weighing on me.

I think I'm okay, I have a great support system and I have far too many people that are willing to put up with my shit but trust me...there isn't anything I appreciate more.

I'll try my best to give a huge update on what is bothering me, making me happy, keeping me calm and worrying me this weekend.

I'm getting older, the clock is ticking and its time to make some decisions. I can't keep letting myself wait to find out what happens or what job I can fall into next.

I've got to change things.