Tomorrow never comes.

I have no idea what I'm doing, no idea where I'm going and I don't know how to feel.
I haven't wrote in awhile and after I finish writing this its very possible I'll regret picking back up again but yesterday and today were the first two days I feel like I've had anything substantial on my mind.

A week ago I had a blueprint of who and where I wanted to be come next year and while that all still sounds great, I know there are bigger and better things I need to be doing. Its unsettling and difficult to see people I know who are two or three years older than me struggle more than I did when I was 16 or 17, although I guess some people are late bloomers and some people never really get the big picture.

I say I have, I get some praise and people think of me as someone who they come to for answers to some hard questions. Maybe so. I still feel completely ignorant and swear that I know nothing that isn't something eveyone should know.
I'm no more and no less than who anyone else should be and the fact that I strive for mediocrity has puzzled me the past few years.

Truthfully, I'm content with being okay. The problem with being high is that eventually you have to come back down, the problem with being happy is that eventually you'll get sad. A good medium shouldn't seem like such a bad thing to 'strive' for but once you explain your 'plans and goals' to someone you'll still get mocked for it.

Fuck it, I've already gone way beyond what was ever expected of me and even if that partially great luck, I did it. I put in the effort. I did my time.

Everyone around me is so fucking upset and tired of living their 'pointless' lives and it just makes me feel so much worse that anyone had to talk to me for a better part of 6 months last year.

I hope I provided you with laughs, I hope I provided you with advice and I sincerely hope I didn't shower you with doubt because I'm not naive enough to be without it.
We should all live for fear, its the only thing thats going to keep us motivated.

All I can tell you is that you all aren't going to get better until you're honest enough with yourself to make yourself the best you can be.

Don't take this to heart.