This is what I meant to say.

Kristen, you were absolutely right this morning when you said that everyone is a letdown. Just because we can see good in people and expect that people can and will change with current events it doesn't mean that they always or even ever will. High hopes will be the death of us and we just need to start looking straight ahead at everything exactly how it appears, not the way we'd like to think it could be.

I'd love to be able to tell you all that I'm not scared of people but after the last year or so, multiple events and the things I hear and read everyday - it shouldn't just be me thats scared, everyone should. There is absolutely no loyalty, romance is dead and whoever just sent you that 'I still love you' text also sent it to every other girl that has entered his life. So, yeah, I'm at a standstill because out of the very few things that I actually would like to do with my time I can't really do them.
I'd love to smoke but throat hurts like hell, I'd love to drink but getting beer is such a 15 minute trek for me that I hold back so I only have to go monthly, I want to write an album but I can't write more than 30 seconds of a guitar riff I won't like in a few days. Maybe I'll learn piano/keyboard, maybe I'll find some friends and maybe this is all 'still' happening for a reason.

I told you that you restored my faith in people and maybe you did then but by going with your gut or whatever you're doing now you've also showed me that there was no faith to restore. Most people are awful, heartless and are only after what can help them in the now. I'm not as angry with you as people want me to be or even as angry as maybe I should be, I'm angry that you aren't different. I'm angry that you couldn't change my opinion. I think I hold you so high because you told me everything that was going to happen while we were still 'together' and in some fucked up and twisted way, that makes this easier for me.
It isn't you, its my problem with meaning something to anyone for more than a few weeks because while I admit I'm not fun to be around now and I'm not an 'awesome' guy to hang out with while you want to be a kid - I'll be the best person that most of you will meet in 5 years. What hurts is that I'll still think less of myself, I'll still cover up how I feel and I'll still be the guy that people come to for their boy problems when they know I'm the guy that they'll never have to deal with that shit from.

I really thought it'd be best to avoid the parties and 'fun' gatherings but you know what? If no one else cares about anything why the fuck am I wasting all of my time doing it for them?

I wanted to close this with "Lets get fucked up." but yeah, we already are.