Go to school.

So yeah, fine, I'm overwhelmed.
too much at once, its always hot outside and the fucking neighbors dog bit me.

The last thing I needed was this reminded that no one is any different than me - or anyone else.
No trust, no loyalty, no respect, no honesty and apparently no remorse.

You have been such an amazing disappointment and I really feel bad that I've fallen for all of this, but when everyone else thinks its 'great' - I tend to believe them.

I can't wait to leave, I can't wait to forget you, I can't wait to find someone who won't let me down and I can't wait until life isn't so up and down.

I should've stuck with Lindy while I had the chance.

At Least I'm Not As Sad As I Used To Be.

So I left, that is it.
That’s my life, nothing is sacred.
I don’t keep friends, I keep acquainted,
I’m not a prophet, but I’m here to profit.

That’s all, I’m gone!
That’s my life, nothing is sacred.
I don’t fall in love, I just fake it.

Fun. - Aim and Ignite. Album of the year.

I still do this.

Nicotine in the morning,
Ecstasy in the afternoon.
What else should I do?
I'm so busy chasing you.

No, its not a burden to be so completely incoherent all the time.
We get by just fine,
with our cheap thrills and red wine.

I am not your best friend and I am not the best man.

This

Tell your friends, "hey come over and we'll talk, you bring the drinks - I'll bring the bad news.
Everyone feels like you.

Tell your Dad to come over and we'll talk, you bring your drink - I'll bring the fuck you's.

Young man, you're not alone.
Tell your girlfriend you need her to be there because you can't sleep with your mind on all these things.

I want to get away, even for a year.

Victim

It hasn't bothered me that I'm only half of who I could be and I think thats because of the scenery around me. I can look to the left or right and rationalize any stupid decision or purchase. I accept it and I move on. The past week or so, once again, have differed from the previous couple weeks and I'm having a really good time trying to keep up. A few things have been consistent and as much as I was sure I didn't care if they were there, I'm glad I've got all of the things I have - regardless of how much I need it.

You look like I need a drink.

When thinking about who I am, what I do, what I've done and where I'm going I get lost. It's the same empty feeling that you'd get if you thought about what happens after you die - You can't really think too much of it because its unknown.

Somehow, and I guess I do know the reasons for it, I've become a lot less worried and anxious the past month. I haven't had time to think(or write) because I've been busy with things I should've been doing for the past 3-4 years. I'm supposed to be having fun, I'm supposed to be wasting time and I'm supposed to put my body what I put it through because I can't do this when I get much older. I fell into this great situation where I can go out and drink until 3 in the morning, get three hours of sleep and go into work to think about how great the previous night was. Its a great system and I need it, its made everything so much more enjoyable.

I can't do this anymore - the writing - that is. Maybe next month when things start getting different or maybe next week when something falls apart.

I've got everything I need right now.

Tomorrow never comes.

I have no idea what I'm doing, no idea where I'm going and I don't know how to feel.
I haven't wrote in awhile and after I finish writing this its very possible I'll regret picking back up again but yesterday and today were the first two days I feel like I've had anything substantial on my mind.

A week ago I had a blueprint of who and where I wanted to be come next year and while that all still sounds great, I know there are bigger and better things I need to be doing. Its unsettling and difficult to see people I know who are two or three years older than me struggle more than I did when I was 16 or 17, although I guess some people are late bloomers and some people never really get the big picture.

I say I have, I get some praise and people think of me as someone who they come to for answers to some hard questions. Maybe so. I still feel completely ignorant and swear that I know nothing that isn't something eveyone should know.
I'm no more and no less than who anyone else should be and the fact that I strive for mediocrity has puzzled me the past few years.

Truthfully, I'm content with being okay. The problem with being high is that eventually you have to come back down, the problem with being happy is that eventually you'll get sad. A good medium shouldn't seem like such a bad thing to 'strive' for but once you explain your 'plans and goals' to someone you'll still get mocked for it.

Fuck it, I've already gone way beyond what was ever expected of me and even if that partially great luck, I did it. I put in the effort. I did my time.

Everyone around me is so fucking upset and tired of living their 'pointless' lives and it just makes me feel so much worse that anyone had to talk to me for a better part of 6 months last year.

I hope I provided you with laughs, I hope I provided you with advice and I sincerely hope I didn't shower you with doubt because I'm not naive enough to be without it.
We should all live for fear, its the only thing thats going to keep us motivated.

All I can tell you is that you all aren't going to get better until you're honest enough with yourself to make yourself the best you can be.

Don't take this to heart.

Hey

What happened friday night should happen every night.

I guess this is safe.

I haven't written in awhile because I'm extremely happy and nothing is bothering me. I make more money than I should, I have more friends than I figured I ever would and I have a hobby that can carry me into football season.

Yeah, I still want to - and will try to - move after I figure out if/when I'm losing this job. I want it to be North Carolina. It's cheap, they have sweet BBQ, it's a new place for me and it isn't far from home.

What I like about where I am in life is that I'm right where I should be and I'm right where I wanted to be when I was 20.
I'm missing a few pieces, sure, but I've got all of the building blocks and I've got all of the tools.
Over the weekend I made amends with a few people I felt like I needed to 'grow up' about. I don't know that I really made them feel any better but I feel content enough with just knowing I tried.

I can't complain, I have so much with so little and none of it even allows for any stress.
I'm sorry I almost ran away from this sort of situation.