Ramble On.

I want to write here very freely about my experience turning 20, my experience at my 'birthday' party.
For the majority of the week leading up, I cared very little about my birthday, turning 20 and the events(albeit they did have 'fun' written all over them) planned for the day. See, very fortunately, the last 2-3 weeks I've been doing the same shit I did last night to 'celebrate'...almost every night. so it was no new surprise, it was no new party. What it was though was an experience with 2 great relatively new friends and a bunch of friends that I hope never get completely away from me. It's incredible how we can still act the same way together, NOT talk about old times and progress with the new ones - even if, in my case, they don't really know completely what I'm up to.

It was successful, the things I thought were going to be hard for remarkably easy because, to be honest, they should be.

It made more sense last night/early this morning than it has ever made sense to me before. Everyone tells me you have to live in the moment, take what you can and grab every inch of what you can get out of life while you can because you don't always have to worry about what's going to happen next.
Yeah, its me saying this, I know. I want everything planned and I want to have everything set up but you know what? If I can be happy doing what I'm doing and I SHOULD be happy, if not content, with how things are going then I will be.

I have to enjoy the things I have while they last and I can't waste time thinking about why or when they'll be gone eventually.
If I learned anything last night - and hey, maybe its a coincidence - it was that if something is meant to happen and you're in a situation with someone smart and alert enough to take the chance, they will.

I don't know where is going to go and I don't care about it, I don't want to be optimistic about it, nor do I want to be pessimistic...I know what it is right now, I know how it makes me feel, I know what it has done for my days. There can't be anything wrong with just taking that.

In conclusion,
I had a great birthday, I had a great week and I have - as far as I can tell - some really great weeks ahead of me.
I accomplished last night what I've been telling myself for about a month or two I'm more than capable of doing and you know what? It's awesome. It's great that even if it turns out to be those 4-5 hours, shit was as perfect as it has ever been. Even with her and even with her.

Did I say too much? probably but you don't hide from things, you embrace them.