Back to Reality

I'm moving after this job is done. I don't care where, I don't care how, I don't care for how long.
I was reminded tonight that everything I have right now, everything so 'great', is going to go away.
I'm getting past that and I'm sucking every great emotion I can get out of them now because I'm going to need it to move on.
My life, especially, has been nothing but the memories I've made and so now that I'm in a great situation where I know my deadlines - I'm going to make everything as special as it should be.

I almost left a few months ago, which is something nobody knows, so surprise.
I didn't because I figured it'd be too hard to do it and I got the extension at my job. I figured "Hey, December gives me 9 months to save up and plan everything out." I've tried to figure out something here and if, by chance, I do stick around and find something - thats cool but I do know that I'm going somewhere for a good bit. I love it here and I love most of the people I've been lucky enough to know but for all of the good and great people and things I've found here, nothing has ever stuck and thats what I need.
Fortunately, at the moment, I'm perfectly fine with what is bound to happen. I put myself in this spot, I want to be in this spot and it only makes it all the more worth it, to be honest. Yeah, it is fucked up optimism and it is me holding back a little bit but still...

Selfishly, I think I deserve to be one of the people that get out and finds a better life and again, I KNOW that I could do that here but to be honest, the bad around me here has and always will outweigh the good. The mere thought of knowing that there is a place where no one knows my name and no one knows what I've done finally looks appealing to me. I've always been one to think its wrong for everyone to want get away but in the past 3 or 4 months I've really understood it.

I don't know if I'll read this in 4 months and feel stronger or weaker about it because I don't know what can happen by then, at this point, I don't know what'll happen next week. I just know I've worked hard to get everything I have right now and I've worked hard to make sure people know exactly who I am, even if they don't take the time to find out for themselves. If someone decides I'm worth the effort, I'm worth the time and I'm worth the work then thats great, I think thats the best decision someone could make, to be honest. I have a few things that are really fucking wrong with me but at the same time I have some quirks that make me a hopelessly devoted guy - to anything.

I know exactly how my life is going to go for the next 2 or 3 months. Who could be selfish enough to ask for anything more?
I'm excited about everything and I feel completely, utterly invincible.

And like you said, 'this' isn't going to end. It's just going to change, change is nice...it saved my life.