I turned 20 a month ago today and when I noticed that this morning I was actually pretty shocked, I feel like that happened months ago. This has been one of my more productive, eventful months. I suppose I'm still 'with' the person I want to be 'with', I'm working enough(for now) and I've been hanging out with all of the friends I've been meaning to.
I go away to OC for a little under a week on Friday and while I'm not sure what'll happen, who I'll see or what I'll do I have the same empty optimism about it that I have with most other things. I think it'll be fun, entertaining to say the least.
I never understood why people drift apart and I'm pretty sure I've done nothing wrong, so I'm going to go ahead and place all of this on you. You've done and said everything you can to make sure that I know this isn't real and trust me, it has been overly effective. I know you're young and I know flings and things that don't matter much take precedent over the 'scary' things like finding someone that makes you forget everyone and everything else. I can't be upset with you for knowing what you want and holding to it, in fact, I respect it. I just hate explaining how 'this' works and I hate that all of my friends are so happy for me because like you've told me, this isn't 'it.'
I don't know what is happening, I don't want to go over it again and I don't really care.
I just wish things were the way they were 2 weeks ago or that I knew why they aren't that way now.
I deserve whatever makes me happiest and you know that you are what makes me happiest.
You deserve the same, you just need to figure out what you want before its too late for it to matter.
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