Pace Yourself.

It is incredibly unhealthy of me to worry so much about every other line.
It's worse of me to find a valid meaning for every word thats said to me.
I know more than a few people who, although they will struggle in the long run, only put heavy focus on what's ahead of them THIS week, next week or the week after. It really pains me that I can't ever just focus on a week at a time. My expectations are too high, I have a good week and I automatically think "why should anything change that'll make next week less great?" Shit happens, feelings change and moods swing.

I should know.

There are 2 things in life that I'll always strive for and work toward. I want contention and I want someone to love me, know me, care for me and acknowledge me. I understand that it's very unlikely I'll meet more than one or two people that would want to offer me as much as I offer them, I mean shit, I'm a great talker but for the most part I hide behind words. I give all of myself to anyone I find interesting and while I don't expect anyone to really 'give' back to me, I've found a few amazing friends who have proven to be exactly what I want people to be.

You can't hold things in, you can't lie to yourself and you really shouldn't hide anything else. Are there things that I don't know that if I did, I'd be upset? Most definitely but I want that, I can handle that and I really can't settle for 'behind the back' secretive bullshit that has become a trait of almost everyone you meet.

Look, I talk a lot of shit about everyone but there isn't anything that I'll say about you that I wouldn't tell you in conversation. I'm not bragging, of course, maybe more people don't do it because they are afraid of the consequences. That's understandable, I guess, but I just felt so free and clear when I decided about a year ago to just say what's on my mind, unfiltered, all of the time. I've lost a few people, I've hurt a few people but at the same time I have their respect, they know I'll tell them what I think and how I feel.
I don't take sides, I don't want sides.

The point of this was to write how I over-think everything and how I'm too worried about what can happen in a month or so.
Heres the truth.
I have until December to really 'panic' and even then I have ideas. I don't give a shit if I'll be a year or two late on the "I need to go places and do things" train, I do and I will.

Life is fucking great right now and even though I'm really full of all the good emotions going around, I'd be really arrogant to ignore the looming danger.

I tell you this a lot but mainly I'm just happy you're happy. There isn't anything else I've wanted in years, to be honest.